Hey, LolaCabanna!

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Originally Posted by LolaCabanna Much like a person who has a bad day, comes home and kicks the dog out of that anger. The dog didn't do anything but the dog was "there" and is "safe" because a dog always forgives... Man's best friend. So maybe you should try not forgiving so easily. When my partner stop forgiving me, I finally had consequences for my actions and the dynamic changed.

If we were in our thirties or forties, your recommendation would make a lot of sense to me. But my wife is an elderly lady (as I am an elderly man), and, according to her neurologist, is coming down with Alzheimer's or something like it. In that particular situation, with those facts in mind, I'm prepared not only to be forgiving with my wife, but forgiving with anyone in that kind of situation. And I do believe her doctors can get her to stop the egregious conduct. If that doesn't work (though I am quite sure it will), it will then be time to think about other measures.

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Regarding your inability to provide finacially like you once did, that is something that is out of your control, you didn't intentionally orchestrate this. It should also not be used to explain away this behavior or make it seem more acceptable to you. No one is perfect we have all made mistakes.

You're quite right: I haven't done anything wrong. But I certainly do wish that I could remove this basic cause of tension and distress between the two of us.

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I believe the description of your character by fellow PC members is exactly how we see you and you should own that, because your interaction with people on the forum has led to our perception.

I do own that. I'm a nice guy. I've been a nice guy all my life. I've been a professional nice guy too. That's what being a mediator is about, as far as I'm concerned. I've put up with correctable mental illness for far too long, and some of the blame for that is on me and some on my prior T's. But I can't recall that I've ever done anything terrible or treated anyone terribly.

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Also, you mention making peace with dying. That seems like a sad thing to spend what you see as a limited amount of life remaining making peace with something that you can't change. Somebody said...It's not the years in your life that matter but the life in the years.

Well, LolaCabanna, I don't know how old you are but it seems to me that when one gets past sixty the obvious (and substantial) benefits of "making peace with death" do become clearly apparent. At least they did to me, and I can't help but think that it would be a universally "good thing." "Making one's peace with death" permits one to concentrate on life with increased joy and attention to every moment of existence, without any brooding over what's inevitably going to happen. You may not be up there yet, but I'd advise you to consider thinking about the subject when you "arrive."

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I wish you could treat yourself with the same insight and kindness you treat us. Wishing you well. Lola

That's a truly gracious sentiment, Lola. Thank you indeed. Take care!