Hi Dreamy01, I'm sorry you are stuck at home. That can be so depressing especially as it is because you are not well I found that my physical health affected my mental health and vice versa. If I read your post correctly it seems that you are afraid of finding happiness? Yes, it can be so devastating to be let down. But please don't give up trying. My childhood was lonely sometimes too. But I want to die a happy person. Some of my friends are quite elderly and I look at them and it really hit home that one day they will not be around anymore. Life is so short.

When I was going through my depression, I used to grasp at anything, to make myself feel even slightly better, something like just picking up a piece of trash and throwing it away, or just rearranging the drawers. Ultimately what really worked for me (knock wood) was looking at everything that made me depressed, painful as they were sometimes, and processing them as safely as I could. The journey was long, incredibly painful and with many setbacks but was worth it for me.

As for being scared of the responsibility of being a parent, that is a good sign. I would worry more if you were not scared. It is hard when you are dealing with your own emotional issues but just try to separate your love for your child from those other issues. I had to do that, (although my 'children' were my pets) it wasn't easy though and I had to remind myself constantly that they deserved good care despite my own problems. Well, I hope you will feel better soon, one day at a time. All the best-Terry