Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamy01
I've been prone to depression since I was a teenager although it probably started before that, just not as markedly. I'm now in my mid thirties and my life situation is much harder than it was then (which is saying a lot). Despite this I've done extensive work on myself, have strong spiritual beliefs, and try to keep a optimistic outlook. I have seen a good therapist for some time.
The problem is, I am still prone to sadness and longing. I am stuck at home a lot due to ill health which doesn't help, but things are easier than they have been for a while. I try to do things I like, including distance study. Some days I feel okay, some even good. But I always fall back into these depressive moods and they can last some time. I had a major one which lasted 2 years, now they tend to be shorter, which I guess is good.
I'm just sick of my life in many ways. I'm scared of the responsibility (I'm a mum) and also the loneliness. I believe it has meaning, but I am scared to find it. I'm scared of moving on. I didn't have a good childhood, I was lonely then too, but am scared of letting go of it.
I want things to be different, but am scared. Sometimes good feelings are scary because they could change in an instant. It's not safe to be happy.
I don't want to feel like this all my life. I don't know how to get past it though.
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Hi. I just joined today. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I also have struggled with depression since early on in high school. Talking to people about this really helps...I'm glad I joined.
I DO know this: therapy taught me to stop worrying and obsessing about everything that was wrong about my childhood. I think I got sick of the sound of my own voice complaining about it, too! I stopped torturing myself with how things 'should have been' instead of just accepting them for how they were. I've had some success in life...but also some failures. What helps me the most is surrounding myself with people who understand me, and who care. I'm frustrated with myself mostly because it seems I used to "have it all" and now, I have nothing. By having it all--I just mean I was making great money, bought a house by myself at 27 and was marketable. Since changing careers from sales to trying to become a teacher, I hit roadblock after roadblock. I thought life got easier as we got older. I was definitely wrong!
Don't worry about being the perfect mom. Just be who you are and be a mom. I would love to have a child or children BUT I promised myself I wouldn't do so unless I was in the right rel'p. Now I'm 36, am job hunting, with no children...other than my dogs.
Depression is a nasty thing. We're either depressed or anxious, right? It gets old. When I feel it creepin' in, I make myself get out in the sunshine whether it's walking the dog or going for a jog, solo (the latter happens rarely...I'm trying though).
You will feel better if you break the cycle, when the cycle starts. Find something that does this for you, and it will set you FREE.
Good luck and God bless,
Maureen
I''ve been on Citalopram and previously Zoloft, do you take anything?