Hello, friends,

Something nice happened. I attended the free bimonthly group for people with bipolar disorder for the first time. It was a happy surprise. I arrived early and found chairs arranged in a circle, so I selected one for myself. The door was locked, so I followed directions and rang the buzzer and was let in by a friendly person who showed me the room where we were to meet. She offered me coffee which I declined because I was already buzzed up due to one early morning cup of caffeine in a cup of joe. After waiting alone in the room, I did go back to get a bottle of water after waiting five or six minutes. After another 10 minutes or so, a well-groomed fairly young man arrived and took a seat and we introduced ourselves. He told me about the support group and himself briefly and I forgot about my previous decision to keep my mouth shut and just listen and open my mouth and talked and talked until another person walked in who sat on a table and engaged in conversation with the young man while she was watching a sports event on her android device. I felt irritation rising in me, but I'm glad I didn't say anything because she was the facilitator. In a moment, she sat, introduced herself, and got things going, letting me know that there are usually quite a few more people there. The hypomania that had been especially triggered by the large cup of caffeine I'd had that morning was jittering around in me and after both of the others had talked didn't help me keep my pledge to do a lot of listening. I did a lot of talking, but I could hear myself and do a lot of judging myself, and do a lot of judging myself, judging myself. And I did a lot of talking about trying to do meditation and trying to practice mindfulness and trying to stop judging myself. It was rather funny if it hadn't been so painfully earnest and buzzy. Amazingly, though, the young man was/is also on the path of mindfulness practice, and was very helpful so when I said things such as, "I must be repaying a terrible person in a prior life," he responded that what I was saying really wasn't true; otherwise, I would be here as a lizard or even lower life form.

He asked how long I was able to sit (in meditation), and I responded, "Maybe 30 seconds," and he said by next time (two weeks from now), maybe I could be sitting 45 seconds.

... so perhaps there is some hope...

or some humor

... and I read that of course I am never going to have it all together and I accept that ... for now.

... and I am remembering to breathe in

... and breathe out, in gratitude and compassion and love

for all of you,