I had a very sad realization this afternoon that I don't know what love feels like. I was thinking today how much I would love to just curl up on the couch and watch a movie with... anyone who loves me.... and cares... but I could come up with no one. Not one single person.

The thing is, it goes both ways. I don't think that there is anyone that I truly love, either. Not my parents, nor my siblings, nor any relatives, nor, really, any close friends. I have a few good friends, but I don't know if I love them or just really care about them. And I wouldn't know if they loved me, either.

How will I know how to love myself if I have no one to love, and if no one loves me? My parents "love" is suffocating and conditional, and not at all what I imagine it should be like. The closest thing I think I've ever gotten to feeling "love" is what I feel with my T - but I know that isn't love. If T ever told me she loved me, I wouldn't believe her. I know she cares about me, but it isn't love.

What does love feel like? How will I know if someone loves me? If I love them?