He might be beautiful. He is very understanding. He knows that I'm not just a one track thinker. I've never really been able to talk to anyone else about the things that go on in my mind, but with him I'm an open book. It's so easy to talk to him. But since he made the comment that he thought I was just "exxagerating" it kind of has made me close up a little more. He says everything is "normal"... I hate that word sometimes. Because I do wish, sometimes, to just be normal but I know I'm not. But most of the time I'm happy I'm not normal and it upsets me and makes me feel as if someone is discrediting my unique spirit and mind. He doesn't make me feel that way but others in my past have and it's frustrating to still hear it. It's not normal to feel your soul slip from your body. It's not normal to lose control of your leg and arm movement in a dissociative state, it's not normal to have multiple anxiety attacks in one day, it isn't normal to have your mind leave your body... So many things are NOT normal but I guess he just wants me to be happy and healthy and since he can't fix me he wants to believe there is nothing to fix... That's my guess...

I wish I had family or even friends here but I'm not a social person. I can be a social butterfly but I have lost all desire to make friendships or connections with others. I get lonely sometimes and wish I had a friend but mostly, I just don't like others company. Most people are too superficial and too afraid to see outside the box. Please do not take this as me being misanthropic, I do love the world, and every single being in it, I wish no ill will on anyone, I just do not have the desire to surround myself with false beliefs and false words and people who hide who they really are.

The only family I have here is my psycho grandmother... OK that's not nice to say I know but this woman is something else. And I can not speak to her because my "aunt" is one of my abusers that I cut out of my life a year ago... She's been a terrible influence in my life, in such a negative way. She's tried to ruin me out of jealousy my entire life and I finally freed myself of her last year and my grandmother continues to speak to my "aunt" (who is only 1 year older than me) of everything I tell her and then my aunt turns around and goes to my daughters father and blows it all out of proportion and stirrs up SO much drama. The last time this happened my boyfriend went to jail because of this. So I have no family to turn to out here for this help.

I guess I should talk to my boyfriend about it. He does love me. If I can find a way to let him know it's not him why I need to go it's just me... He said before that he didn't think I could go a day without talking about my childhood, my past... He has to realize that is because I am still struggling to cope with the horror of it right? Maybe I can explain this to him... Any tips on how to tell a significant other that you need therapy would be greatly appreciated!