Your question seems a philosophical one, comparable to the question whether a falling tree makes sound or not if there's nobody around to hear it.

Is a psychopath evil because he lacks the capability to feel empathy and love and is filled with rage, hatred and anger? Or is a psychopath evil because of the harm he causes by his actions?
It all depends on what an individual cares to define as evil.

My personal view is that it are the actions that define good or evil, not the intentions, nor the feelings, not the beliefs. The figurative road to hell is paved with actions stemming from good intentions.

If you have a relationship with your wife where you do not abuse her emotionally, mentally, physically and/or financially, then you are not an evil man for her imo. However, if you are controlling towards her, then that implies at the very least any of the above through lies, gaslighting, blaming her for your own wrongdoings, isolation from family and friends, emotional blackmail, etc... all of these things are harmful, even if she feels love and is happy at times.

Could you be your true self with her, without doing her harm? I doubt that. And you seem to know it, otherwise you would not act the part.