For once, I am actually quite proud of myself. For what I just did-- or more so, didn't do.
I felt so desperate, the urge to SI was killing me. My days were long and dragged out; I felt like a person dying of dehydration without my razor.
Just now, I found a blade. I thought my parents had disposed of them all, but in the inside pocket of a little blue bag beneath my brother's sink. It was old, warn, and had a few pieces of stubbly hair sticking out- nonetheless, it would satisfy my urge.
HOWEVER--
I didn't do it. Amazingly, I placed it on my wrist, and even though I was thinking doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitodoitdoitdoitdoitdoit, a small part of me held on to "No. Don't do it. Keep the time you haven't done it growing." The other part of me screamed DO IT, but somehow, I held on to the resisting me.
I feel so proud of myself. I put the razor away and went back here. :') A small feat perhaps, but such a tempting urge, and I resisted it. I haven't done it for a while, but that was because I didn't have the supplies. I felt punished. Now I feel PROUD.
So. Yeah.
I was a dehydrated person and I found poisoned water. It looked so good but I walked away.

I did it, I resisted. You can too. <3