I've been with a guy for thee past year.. I love him, I love his mind, and how fun it is to be around him.. but I've been struggling to make myself attracted to him and just go through thee motions of everything.. I came out as lesbian when I was thirteen, I was basically shoved back into thee closet when I gun to my temple.. I was hated and ridiculed by my parents, my brothers ended up telling there friends, and eventually thee whole school knew. I was bullied and hated, and felt so alone.. my mom wouldn't hug me for months afterwards, and always gave me a look of discust.. It's sad that I got more bullied by my own family then anything. It got so bad I wanted to kill myself. I eventually told my family it was a phase and told everyone at school it was a rumor.. I've been faking straight ever since.. four years later, my family still says hatful things about thee LGBT community. I've been with my boyfriend for a year, and he knows me well enough to know I like girls, even though I've never said it. both him and my family say I'm not allowed to hang out with any LGBT. whenever I do, he thinks i've cheated and my parents assume just as much. I'm seventeen now, and I'm less afraid of thee worlds acceptance. I always planned on moving out as soon as I was 18, and exploring my sexuality by finding my first official girlfriend, and stop pretending like I'm straight. I'm sorry if this is werid to say, but I'm jealous of thee people who can say "lesbian and proud". because I'm scared..