Hi, Rainbow

I'm new here, and wasn't sure where to jump in.

When I saw your post I related to it so much that I wanted to reply. Hope that's okay. It reminds me exactly of what I went through on a two-week vacation I took earlier this year. I don't know if you relate to this, but I typically have a hard time keeping my therapist in my mind, especially after a day or two after an appointment. Before I left for the trip, I had a lot of anxiety about leaving, and then once I left, it was like a protective switch was flipped and she was no longer "there."

I may be pointing out some things that you already know, but I just wanted to offer what I think happened with me since it sounded so much like your situation. With me, it was like I "forgot" her. (Not literally or completely) but once the bout of anxiety was over and the switch was flipped I really had no urge to contact her and she was as good as "gone" until I returned home. I thought about emailing her but I felt like I could take it or leave it, and decided not to because I much preferred the "numb" feelings I had somehow achieved to how I usually feel. I really felt nothing in particular about her, which is nothing like the norm. That told me it was an unconscious protective mechanism of some sort having to do with my history. But I really appreciated it! lol

Anyway, I just wanted to say that since I related to your post. I may be wrong, but for me although it definitely made my trip easier, I know it had a lot to do with object constancy and a history of being "left" or alone. It was a protective mechanism which I sure wish I could draw on consciously sometimes to numb my feelings

I hope I didn't ramble too much.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.