Does it really matter if either or both of you have a personality disorder? It takes two, so it's not all your fault.
I'm sorry but I don't think if you read books you will be able to diagnose him and be able to fix him? It's not going to happen that way.
You have such a dysfunctional marriage and that brings out the worse in people.
You have to decide if you want in or out.
If you don't want to live like this anymore, file for divorce.
If you want to keep living like this, learn how to live with it.
You have to make a decision, stop going back and forth, and make a plan.
I'm sorry that your self esteem has suffered so, but you are the only one that can fix that. Go take a boxing class or karate, take back your power.