I have had my ed for 25 years now. Been in hospitals off and on. Never really tried to recover and now I am and I am getting no where. Was just in the hospital and got out on Tuesday and by Friday I was back to where I was before I went in. It is affecting my job as I can only work 4 hour shifts, my health (really messed my body up), aand basically other than work I have no life. I have faithfully seeing therapist, dietitians and my doctors. But I just seem to fall back to it. I start to feel the weight gain and panic. Start to resrtict slowly and goes down hill from there. I do have some good days, but that is ussually followed by more bad one. Luckily(I guess) I am to weak to work out. Really I wish I nknew what to do, how to get over it. It is just so natural that i dont even think sometimes. And now things are bad b/c I have to get a new therapist. I was seeing 2 of them(for different reasons) but now I cant see either one. The one I have known for 20 years and trust her. Now have to start all over and I dont want to. I dont want to tell anyone else my past of living in hell. What will she think? Yes I know she wouldnt think anything that is her job(I work in the medical field people think things) So went once, seeing my other therapist for the last time one Tuesday. Why even both going I keep telling myself. Why waste the money.hasnt helped so far, but I cant blame her at all it is me.and my damn ED. Really I just need to find the answer before this kills me and now without my main supports it just might. Only going to see this new person a few times and then I am quiting(have to see her to make people happy and hopefully get back to work) I get so mad at people when they keep telling me I am to malnourished to work that much plus I will burn off to many calories..I am fine, I eat why dont they believe me?