My T of 3 years has a chronic illness. He spent most of the summer in the hospital, was back in the office for a couple of weeks,and now he's gone again.
It is so hard to see this person who has been my hero, my mentor, my "surrogate parent", who has guided me through so much trauma and out to a brighter side, declining so rapidly. I have been trying to deal with this grief for months, but there is no one in my life that can help, that understands. I am on the outside of this looking in. How do I deal with this? I don't know if he is coming back this time, and while I am attached to him, I don't know if I can deal with watching him slowly die. When I am there, I feel both selfish, for talking about my silly neurotic crap, or disrespectful, for being more concerned about his well-being than my own. My heart is broken, and I'm feeling so disoriented.