Hi,
I have been battling depression since I have been 13 years old. Thus far I have tried medications and therapy. I went away for a year to Australia in order to get out of the negative environment I was in and to try and live life. Although I was the happiest I have ever been, I was still depressed deep down.
My mom, who is bipolar and in denial, has been difficult to live with. She will not listen to anything I have to say, will throw things when shes angry, and try to prove that she loves me by buying things. She spends most of our money buying little gifts to show that she loves me when I really want more than that. I want love that can't be bought in a store. She treats my dad horribly and its difficult to watch sometimes. Her words are toxic. She can strip paint off the wall with her tongue.
I knew I couldn't count on my mother so I decided I had to try and survive by myself. I decided to start therapy and go on medication to combat my negative feelings and energy. I joined social groups in school and tried to socialize more. I went to church on a weekly basis to strengthen my faith and rely more on God. I tried all these things and still depressed. Nothing works. I couldn't find love no matter how hard I tried.
I've gone through some difficult life-changing events that I can't seem to deal with. I can't seem to focus in school anymore or focus on the true meaning of life when I feel like there is no meaning. I still live with my mom who remains to be a negative influence on me. Due to limited finances, I am unable to move out. I have sought love elsewhere and found it in a place that I should stay out of. I don't know what else to do. How to get motivated or be happy. I feel like I've tried everything. I have tried so many medications and therapists. I have tried volunteer work, working, going to school, joining clubs, trying to go out etc. I feel like I've tried it all. All I seem to do is just sleep and eat. I have a million things to do and yet I can't find it in me to just press on. Does anyone know what I can do?