I last minute had to cancel my therapy session last Tuesday, because I had severe pain and needed a MRI done. So I called her voicemail and canceled, but we haven't rescheduled. She never called me, so I'm assuming I'm supposed to call her? I've only seen her like twice. My old therapist always approached me, because it was usually him cancelling. Which is why he is my old T now.

But here's the horrible part. I just don't want therapy right now. And everyone is forcing it on me. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital till I had an appt. I don't want it. I just don't. Leave me alone. Please don't call me. Forget we ever met. I hate making judgments after just two times meeting, so I don't want to talk bad about her. Plus I have a horrible thing, that I do where I think EVERYONE is somehow harming me or not good for me. I think it's the paranoia? I'm not sure.

I could honestly care less if she calls me. I have no attachment to this woman, whatsoever. I don't care if she cares about me. I don't think she's interested in me as a person "she's just doing her job". That's what it feels like.

But I feel like that with everybody. Everybody somehow hates me or doesn't approve of me.

I had to meet my dog's previous owners this morning. They were so perfect. Her and the other dog kept fighting, so they had to rehome her. They were so perfect and I feel so useless. She deserves them. She deserves better then me. A lowly schizophrenic who shuts us in when I get scared and refuses to be a good owner. I hate myself. I know she hates me too.