I think it helps a lot if they can say the words to you too. I have been told, for example, that my parents must have loved me. But they never told me, and I had a lot of bad experiences with them. So maybe they didn't. How is a person to know? It would have been really nice it they could have said the words so I wouldn't have so much doubt and have looked for years for "evidence" they loved me by sifting endlessly through childhood memories. So I'm not a big fan of the idea that it's love by the way people act not by what they say. I don't have the bias that some have against the words "I love you" because they have been spoken to me only rarely in my life. When I did hear those words, they were not spoken emptily. If people really love you, they should say it. Once, in this quest for knowing if my parents loved me, I asked my T how he knew his parents loved him. (What was his evidence?) He said he knew it growing up because as a boy he was very lovable. Everyone loved him! That made me feel terrible, like aha, I knew it, my parents didn't love me because I'm not lovable! Sometimes those Ts need to watch what they say... That must feel nice to just have this knowledge that a bunch of people love you. He seems to be a very positive guy with a lot of strength and energy. Maybe that is because he received so much love when he was growing up. I think it must give a person a strong sense of self worth and self confidence to be so loved. There's other ways to get those things, but being loved as a child gives such a head start.

I do feel that I have known love at earlier times in my life but not a lot recently. I feel capable of giving love. I take a lot of joy in both giving and receiving love. It is definitely not one-sided for me. Now the ones I love and who love me are just my two children and my cats. No "outsiders." I think it will always be that way. There's no one else in my life besides a circle of acquaintances. But I feel very lucky to have my kids. I put my T in a different category. I think there is love between us, and that is wonderful, but it is very boundaried and stays within the professional relationship.