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Originally Posted by WhoAmIchild
thanks to all who responded. see, i didnt go to see her for abuse issues. i went for addiction problems. getting off the addiction apparently caused the abuse issues to surface for me. so they just started coming up. now i find out that she doesnt see sexual abuse clients. i didnt know that in the beginning. shes been working with me all this time, and ive been calling her when i have trouble with memories or panic attacks. she never once said she wouldnt see me. and she never said i couldnt share this stuff with her, but once i asked her about it, she was honest and said it was one of her limitations. i bet she would have not said anything if i didnt ask. and i feel bad. i feel glad that she stuck with me - she knew that the one time i saw a counselor she told me she couldnt see me anymore because she didnt deal with the issues i was having - they were out of her leauge, and it devestated me. so i belive she was trying not to hurt me. but i feel i dont want to cause her pain. sigh. i dont want to see someone else. i dont know if i can go through that again. maybe i can work around it and just deal with stuff and not tell her the memories? i see her tomorrow. i know i wont sleep much tonight. i hate this. thanks again.
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It sounds like you and T have worked through alot of things and I get the point that SA wasn't the reason you saw her and it has only become an issue later. Sounds like your T has helped you alot with these other issues and so I can appreciate you not wanting to hurt her and not wanting to see someone else - maybe you and yor T have a good enough relationship to discuss this and if you are not ready to work with another T now, maybe it is something you can work with your current T with so the possibility is there for the future.
I really fight the feelings of dependency on my T - like you the thought of going through things with someone else is really daunting. However I tell myself when I am ready, I am going to seek out another T, both to prove I am not dependent and can indeed survive without my current wonderful T, but also to challenge that bit of me that does not want to talk about these things with someone else. I think if I can achieve that it will be a real measure of how far I have come - definitely not ready to do it yet though. Thinking if you, hope you did get some sleep - Soup