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Hello.
Its been awhile since I have been in this state of mind. I feel quite murderous.
Back ground - I live in a house with the most evil, sadistic fck's its ever been my 'mis-pleasure' to know. I have not felt so angry for such a long time. This 'living' state has been going on since april this year.
This 'man' (if you could call him that), is pure evil (and the people he attracts). If any who read this has seen the British riots recently on the news, He is like one of them. He a black guy with white, black and mix race friends who think they are gangsters (which is a joke because he lives here and has no car and is on welfare and has to rob students and rip people off to get by).
Where I live students to such evil people are easy targets. That makes my blood boil.
This person robbed me in the first week of living in the 3 flat building I live in. The police have been here constantly since he moved in, he still walks the streets and is not locked up. Mass in-justice is going on here.
He likes to think he's a gangster (thats the biggest joke ever). He says that he created the wearing of purple in between the 'Hoods' that walk the street, again another massive joke. He sit in front of a playstation playing - Grand Theft Auto (san andrea's), and all the 'Hoods' in that game wear purple. Its a fcking joke, and he says, and I quote - "have you seen people dressed in purple", he says, "I created that, thats me that, I started that fashion dress sense". Again I cannot but laugh my a s s off.
This weekend from friday till sunday morning at about 6;30am, hes doing his thing, which is snorting white lines and being a complete a s s. Creating madness with next door. They hammer on the walls and scream at him to turn his music (if you could call it that) down. I have not slept and being a complete wreck since friday, I can see trouble coming. It did, the police were again all over this house, he was screaming at the people on the street who were asking him to tone it down (I have been trying to help him a lot since I met him but now I give up), hes violent - but only when hes with others like him. Hes 30 yrs old (thats a shame BIG TIME). He has a kid on the way???????????????????????????????????????.
I am powerless to get out at the moment, I am having to be patient here so I cannot move quickly with no one to help me ( no family to help , no friends to help NO ONE TO HELP).
The police will not lock him up till hes done something really bad, and hes clever at hiding what hes done (well, when I say clever, hes not clever, hes the stupidest person I have ever met). Its just there is no proof.
So................I sit watching self harm films (studying the psychology of self harm than actually doing it). Also I play - with out using them, with my razors and blades by my bed. I have not eaten since friday, I am weak and hollow, I have not slept, and I think about the times when I did self harm, I was dissasociated with the world around me. I also got to sleep well too.
Any advice, that does not include moving, seeing a T or any thing too obvious (I am moving - when a house comes up, - I see a T and I am medicated BIG TIME so I can deal with this).
Now the people around me are assosiating me with this (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr), i am trying not to swear..................................this 'person'.
Any who read this, if you want a mental picture of this person, just think about the worst kind of scum who is an opportunist in theft, batters his g/f, and like to dress like a character from a 'Video Game' - (grand theft auto).
I live now in perpetual urge to cut and have big time cutting sessions. Its over whelming and too much to resist.
I dont really want to , but in my private act of cutting the world goes away.
I sleep.
I dont care about the future.
I would not care if this 'man' turned up missing (you may know what I mean).
The only emotion that comes from this state of mind is anger and hatred (which is not me).
Vent over.
Thanks.
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