Thanks for the replies so far!
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Originally Posted by dragonfly2
First let me say a sort of congratulations on finally being diagnosed. As much as it's not something people tend to embrace, for me it was the beginning of finally getting a handle on things and moving forward.
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dragonfly: congratulations on your own forward momentum. Your post has a good lot of hope in it, and I'm happy for that, for you as well as the rest of us.
I don't think I'm even at the have/am bipolar point yet. Though one of the reasons I ask about childhood experiences is that being a quiet child, I was constantly being told to "cheer up" and "smile" along with a general attitude that if I'm quiet, then I'm shy and need "bringing out." This multiplies by about a thousand as soon as you enter the adult world of work.
Admittedly, I did have some depression issues even as a child, and I saw a psychiatrist as early as age eleven. But... there's a lot to be said for the brain and the power of the mind. My grandmother had bipolar and ECT back in the day, so I have a genetic disposition, but I can't help theorising if constantly telling your brain that your personality is not up to the job (regardless of how much you love yourself) makes it come up with a solution in the form of hypomania. I mean, it does seem to fit eerily well.
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Originally Posted by dragonfly2
As for "preferring" myself without hypomania....no, I probably can't say that. But do I "like" my non-hypomanic self? Yes. Unequivocally, yes.
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What a wonderful way of putting it! Thank you
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Originally Posted by BNLsMOM
Ifeel like my identity changes every time I have an episode.
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Yes... I too get that. I tend to reinvent myself for each one, choosing an aspect of myself and doing it to death.
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Originally Posted by BNLsMOM
I am feeling rther empty, in fact. There is some essence missing. Sometimes it feels like I am just a body walking around.
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I felt like that for a good long while after a crash to depression following the suicide of my dad and brother, and I worried that "happiness" wouldn't be there if I reached for it. But it was. You'll feel happy again, I guarantee it.
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Originally Posted by VenusHalley
It is Venus who can get deeper than deep and is than fascinated by tall structures.
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People have mentioned my deep thinking too, and you're right because that is what makes us amazing individuals. In that sense, bipolar could be a blessing, because you can see far more than others. It makes us great writers, poets, artists. I sometimes get irritable with other people for being about as deep as a wet floor, lol.
Lots of things to think about!