Thank you for your response. I do agree that you have to find happiness within yourself but I am not sure how to do that. I feel like I am dying inside of me. I am actually far from a dependent person. However, the lack of love I received as a child has forced me to look elsewhere to feel what love feels like. I am not using it a means to define happiness in my life. I have always just wanted a mother who would love me for who I am without degrading me and someone who would just love me without buying me material items. Although I guess it is not entirely true, I do feel like no one could ever really love me which makes me hate myself. Everytime someone tries to love me, I don't take them serious because I can think of a million reasons why someone shouldn't or couldn't love me. I am not sure how to change how I am and how I think :/