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Originally Posted by mcl6136 Pc may be an aftermarket repair shop, but what a shop it is. I don't know why people (including you) make a distinction between this and "real life." Seems real enough to me, and I may even speak for others in saying that your postings have helped me...really....in real life.

Internet is NOT real life. There are so many barriers between us, protecting us from things that frighten us or make us nervous IRL. I'm glad indeed if anything I've written here has helped you in any way, but being a PC member is like driving a cab with a thick, bulletproof plastic shield between you and the customer. While I can write things here that may help you, I could not do that IRL. Too much of my mind would be tied up in all kinds of self-protection. I'm very much hoping that I can redirect all that wasted emotional energy to more productive uses, including being in touch with others in the here and now.

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The realization that she didn't really like you.....is a bomb. It's hit in my life too. The realization in my case that my mom basically traded the emotional health of her children for financial security was a big grenade landing in my life. It takes a long time to sift through this....regardless of how much you "knew" for how long. Take care of yourself as you come to these realizations...it's really exhausting, at least that's what I found.

Well, T tells me (I saw her again this morning) that because of my mother's own early childhood, which I told T more about on Friday, she just couldn't get intimate with anyone, including babies. But T also says no adult can really grasp just how terrified and alone a pre-verbal baby feels when it realizes that MOM AIN'T PAYING ATTENTION. The baby can't talk or think. If it has any needs those needs have to be "sensed" by its caregiver. If the caregiver isn't "sensing" anything, and is consistently and always not paying attention, the baby is stuck in a very hard place, particularly for a baby.

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I can relate to your "real" self being reserved, withdrawn, silent, without friends...always seeking to minimize (or avoid wherever possible) all human contact. And yet....here you are....in a forum... Blessings, MCL

A very, very PROTECTED forum. A forum where I CAN'T GET HURT. There's a reason for places like PC, a very, very GOOD reason. Thank God it's here!