I'm just so, so fed up of feeling this, it's killing me. I can't even describe it, I don't have the energy to explain it, I just want it to stop. In my head I keep thinking, "I want to die". I don't want to die, but the thought is there. I don't want to do anything extreme and end up in hospital, yet I fantasise about it. I don't want to kill myself, but I feel like the thing in my head will kill me. I want to cut until it bleeds. I want pills so I can swallow as many as it takes to block everything out. I don't want this life anymore. I want help but I don't know what help I want. I *know* this is not just depression and I *know* it's not just 'mild to moderate'.

I'm not going to do anything dangerous. But I feel like I'm dying and nothing can help.