I still hate the phone.

I want to be able to just walk into a store or someplace spontaneously.

I am afraid to eat in a strange restaurant.

My new therapist gives me homework that I don't do. She wants me to make 2 phone calls a day "for whatever reason". I haven't done it. Just an appt with eye doctor that I absolutely had to make.

I don't get on the phone or deal with people unless it's very urgent.

Then...there's the guilt trips and the shaming. "Billi, you dont' get out enough" and "Billi, it's not good for you to be alone and withdrawn all the time" and "Billi, what do you do with your life?" and "Billi, you don't have anybody you hang out with?"

Many of these questions may be well-meaning and not necessarily guilting or shaming, but I feel that all the time.

But it's a vicious cycle.

I am afraid of what ppl think of me, so I don't get out.

And then they say all this stuff to me.

I stayed home yesterday to get some things done around the house and felt guilty about not going out!

I feel ashamed around people and ashamed to be alone.

wtf?!

lol

Billi