I am so sorry you are hurting so much.... I can remember a time when my old T sat there and looked at me the whole time, and I was in so much pain that I had a hard time saying anything--- I needed her to reach out to me, I felt like I couldn't reach out to her. I felt so alone and lonely and invalidated when she didn't talk. I remember feeling so worthless and stupid. It just hurt so much. I am so sorry that you're feeling so bad... I came back to respond to your post again just because I remember how that pain felt and I've been thinking of you this evening, I remember that kind of pain all too well...