I went though a phase in therapy where this was SO. RIDICULOUSLY. PAINFUL. I actually read an old post of mine yesterday recapping a session with T where I told him that it felt SO UNFAIR...that I wasn't loved as a child, and now here I was in another situation where I wouldn't be loved, at least not in that adoring, all-encompassing, parent-child way. And that it just sucked that I was sitting there hurting in that way all over again. T was like "it DOES suck"...because it DOES.

It flares up from time to time, but way less often than it used to. Completely one of the mysteries of therapy for me...where did it GO? I do love T, but not in that LONGING kind of way that I used to. I wish I knew why or how it changed, so I could tell you and give you some hope.

It really stinks that in some twisted way, pain and healing so often go hand in hand.