I agree with much of what's been said here. Like Payne, I grew up with dysfunctional parenting. A narcissistic mother, a (probably) bipolar father, and a whole string of alcoholic/addict step-fathers and other men in my mother's life, who never officially tied the knot and became a step-father, but who lived and slept with her, and therefore were afforded the same rank and privileges. I don't even know how many there were, in total. All of them were abusive, physically in most cases, emotionally in all cases, and sexually in one case. Why did she allow it? Because she didn't care what was happening to her children as long as she had a man in her bed at night. She was also delusional enough to think she could take some random alcoholic bum and turn him into a suitable father figure. Several of her men, in fact, had been literally taken into our home off the street, and then suddenly here we were, expected to call this drunken stranger Daddy and do what he said.

So, given this experience, it's hard for me to be sympathetic to N's. After all, one very nearly ruined me for life. And the only way I can stop her from continuing to damage me with her subtle cut-downs is to banish her from my life altogether. Since I have moved 3,000 miles away from her, and her influence, I have improved greatly.

This said, I do understand about stigma and bashing. BPD gets its share too. There are even therapists who won't treat us, because they consider us "gamey" and manipulative.

And above all, I agree with what Payne said, about how personality disorders can be treated. It's been my experience that personality disorders are the result of dysfunction in early life, whereas a person can have every advantage and the best of upbringings, but still end up with a psychiatric illness such as bipolar or schizophrenia. IMO that's the difference between a personality disorder, which is learned adaptive behavior and can be cured, and a psychiatric illness, which is brain chemistry-based, and can be managed with meds and therapy, but is there to stay.