Sewarrats - I can agree that sometimes life is a *****; but there are ups to it as well.

I can relate totally with being young and trying to die young. I guess some would still say I am young- 25 but these days I keep trying to have the hope that maybe things will get better with some help if needed. It is hard- For some reason I thought things would settle down- But I feel like some days that I am doing drugs which I am sober- not even drinking alcohol that much. I dont know why I keep saying "if by the end of the year" cuz I know by the end and past the end of the year my head will be as it has been for years if not my whole life with some things.

Sewerrats- be strong and take care- remember there are good times as well. Life can be hard but usually some how, some way things fall in place- maybe not as we imagine or as quick as we want...or things lose meaning as time go on. I hope that for myself as well. I know I tell some others that in my real life and i get told it is bs- but there has to be some hope some where besides to just give up.. giving up to me is a bad route that I dont want to share on here, So I will will try to be hopeful.

On the subject of Live Life and take a break- for some reason I can't just "forget" that my boyfriend said that- I brought it again Monday night before I went to work- due to I had raging thoughts on it. I told him again- I cant just take a break with my mood swings and thoughts- they were here many years before therapy or him and will continue- I just need to find some peace with it all some how. He said he understood that. It just gets me- "take a break and live life". I told him a tone tonight- I know there is good in life- I now feel a little offended that he said that. :-? sigh... And on top of that I told him Monday night- for me to take a break- is for me to be dead. I started to cry a little when I said that cuz it is the truth for me.
In all- He did remind me and say he'd stick by me, he understands it wont go away like that and that in time maybe I will find peace.... I hope so.

But I will try to brush this off- it is hard though cuz well I am me and stuff like this that I get mad at I have trouble brushing off.

will try to talk to therapist about balancing again... march is the end of therapy with her, I hope that she can direct me some where perhaps that I can afford to go, cuz I dont think 12 sessions will be enough for me to get coping skills that I need, but maybe it is I am not sure.

Be well all
and sewerrats hugs to you. I do get where you are coming from with things.

I may not have kids (i really dont think I could handle them if I may be honest) but I have a dog that is like a child which I get rather annoyed with. I have a kitten now which takes time. And i love my boyfriend but there are times I too am annoyed with him, and I dont think it is always his fault; rather that it is me and my head and problems. I wish you well Sewerrats on the journey with getting better. Oh and I have had the regret stuff already. it does suck but try not to regret. try to make the future as best as you can- due to that is what we can mold now and not the past