((((granite))))

I'm so sorry you're in a bad way right now with your therapist.

I posted a thread not even a week ago and in it I said that my t is VERY non-directive. He will, and has, helped steer the direction of the conversation IF he sees something relevant to the topic of conversation that needs to be "examined". But mostly, it's ALL ON ME. And I hate that. I have MAJOR trust issues, esp with men (t is male), and even though I KNOW in my head that he's there to help me, it's hard to actively do that and not feel like I'm going to vomit. Really, it's like a physical feeling that I have when I'm there; and since I'm trying to get through that, I have no motivation to talk and make that feeling worse. The worst part is that he knows this and won't help me with it. Not a crumb. He's perfectly content with sitting there - all session if need be - until I talk first. I almost bolted outta there once; I'm not sure what held me down. I'm kind of contemplating finding another t, but I can feel myself somewhat attached to him and......ugh.

Anyway, I do completely relate to this. I'm actually wondering myself what the point of all of this is. I read about how glorious it is on "the other side" of therapy and I want to be there so bad too. But g*******t, it's hard getting there.

I do think that your t is being a bit rigid with her boundaries. I mean, you certainly can't be the first and only client who has felt the need to cut the session short. I hope she calls you back. This whole thing is a learning process and if you were expected to "get it right" the first time, then why would you even be there at all.

Lots and LOTS of hugs for you today and this whole week!