Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
(((((((((((( granite ))))))))))) 
I'm so sorry your session went the way it did.
I wonder if you could call her to help you feel better for now?
You know, I have had times just like this only it was when T was away. But it's similar, where I can't wait for T to return, and then when she did return, I was not able (or willing) to connect because that was when my anger about being away from her would surface. I would not connect with her because I was angry with her; then, afterwards I would be angry with myself because I wanted to connect but I didn't.
Do you think your anger might also be disappointment in yourself, as well as disappointment in your T? It is so hard when we can't talk but we really really want to talk. So disappointing when we can't make it happen. We have a need but we can't verbalize it and it feels really awful. It feels awful to want connection, and to need connection, to need our anxiety relieved, but for whatever reason to not be able to get 'there' to the place to make it happen for us.
Why don't you see if you can call T to talk briefly about what happened. Maybe she could fit you in on Thursday (if I'm remembering correctly that this is the other day she is in). Or maybe you could just get a bit of relief on the phone. I think you'd feel better.
I can certainly understand all the feelings you have about having to miss a session just because of a holiday, about missing her, about not being able to talk when you so wanted to, about wishing she would have said something to help, and about being disappointed in her and in you, and about the fear you have that walking out is something she can't tolerate.
Don't close the book yet; this chapter wasn't what you wanted it to be, but the book is more than just one of it's chapters. |
echos you always make so much sence when you respond.the heart ache is that all this wisdom comes from so much pain.
i know i was very angry at her when i saw her yesterday and paniced and confused but wanting to connect just like you said.i have missed her a lot because in the last two months we havnt seen each other much and i have so much going on with work and the mother but i couldnt say anything as soon as i saw her i was so overwelmed any plans i had went out the door.and it seems she was not having anything to do with helping me either .she was thare if i wanted to talk otherwise she was just going to stare at me and pick at her nails.
she so made me feel like i was a useless piece of crap taking up her space and time.
that was how i felt then and it was to unbearable i had to leave it was what she wanted and me also.i couldnt bear to have her looking at me .
anyway i am trying todat to see things differntly or atleast with a small amount of controle and i am dealing a bit better.may even call her for a 3rd time.this will probibly result in her putting restrictions on how much i call but what ever.
thanks for careing