Last week in group T, I mentioned that when people address me, I immediately feel like a mouse trapped in a corner, scrambling. I told T yesterday that I was able to visualize the mouse as a small, young girl.

He guided me to imagine going into the corner (which was SO hard to do. My mind kept scrambling.).....and I felt that her body was so tense, like a suit of armor. Yet beneath that is a girl who just wants to be loved, held, cared for...and I HATE HER.....I hate that she wants something that she can't have.....

T then told me that was enough and that he doesn't want me thinking about it anymore...that we'll come back to it....

It was mortifying to make eye contact with T after coming out of that....and I felt an intense wave of sadness come over me....and so so dizzy.....

T said that I allowed my body to speak and not my brain....and that I opened up a gateway.

He changed ths subject to small talk....Seems like I touched on something important, and it's scaring me....