beauflow, I am so proud of you and your bf talking and trying to work together on this, and of how hard you are working on your own.

do you still see or talk to your family? because sometimes that can make it harder to change the old patterns you learned there. about ten years ago, a friend used to tell me that after I visited my mother, it took a couple, three of days before I got back to 'normal'. only in the past year, after not seeing my family for two years, have I stopped thinking so negatively all the time, and begun to just 'live life', as your bf says! I have always felt as if I was living my life as 'not me'. I don't know if that applies to you, but who is that 'crabby' person really? Maybe you can't reason or argue with her. I am on a relatively low dose of older, inexpensive meds (prozac and topamax) and starting to enjoy life in my old age. it kinda gets rid of the crabby. I am just glad I also had FUN when I was in my early twenties! (wink wink wink wink!) oh pardon me I must have something in my eye!