ok... so ive been taking my meds and ive not put a foot out of line. now all i feel is numb and bored. i dont feel like im living 'my' life. part of me wants to go back to the reckless crazy idiot i used to be. i got myself into siuations for sure, but I was having at least some fun etc. now I just feel like I'm conforming to every day life as an every day normal person. im becoming apathetic. i d...ont cry any more. its like i cant - i just sit and shrug my shoulders and think '**** it'. Its like ive become normal and I really dont like it. I know tho if I come off the meds Im gonna go back to living how I was (which was fun but highly self destructive) but I will also become dellusional, paranoid, acutely anxious, depressed, manic, etc. so I know this new way of living is more beneficial to me but I just think its boring and its like i'm just existing :/

its not a nice feeling. and its also causing me to eat more (I think!) cos im not feeling fulfilled il eat for comfort - and now im putting a huge amount of weight on that could also be due to the meds tho but a lot of it has to do with me gorging