I got triggered AGAIN last night. I fell asleep and woke up SUDDENLY with all of these memories in my head. But they were good memories. All of the good, kind, fun things my dad ever did for me. It's like I can't hold that and the bad stuff at the same time. I'm, like, paralyzed.

I can't call T again. And in this weird way, I feel angry at him, although I don't know why. I guess because I don't know where else to put this ****.

I've asked T about a million times to help me find a support group for people who went through CSA. I live in a major metropolitan area. THERE. ISN'T. ONE. There isn't one! I live near a hospital that has support groups for everything from eating disorders to cancer to substance abuse and nothing, nothing, NOTHING for "survivors" (ugh) of CSA (UGH UGH UGH).

Obviously, i need to get grounded. again. i hate when i am in a time of peace and my brain decides that *now* is the time to start dumping this stuff on me again. like, I REALLY REALLY hate it.