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Originally Posted by hankster
That is an excellent question, and I think the answer may be gender RELATED, but not DIRECTLY? I am with granite (and others) in this, I cringe when anyone here says they want their mommy (sorry, that's the least offensive I can be about it!). HATE IT!!! I wonder if it can be broken down by types of attachment: the securely and insecurely attached do want their mom, but the others of us - the dismissives - say no whey, Hose A? And then what characteristics did those babies have in common? I was big - too heavy to be cuddled much? There really is a huge difference in a 5lb & a 9 lb infant. Does a big girl seem less endearing, less feminine from the beginning? Just thinking of my baby pictures compared to my tiny favored younger cousins (M & F).
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Hankster, I would have to think that it had nothing at all to do with you at any weight, but with some internal problem of Mom's. I was a less than five-pound preemie and got the same treatment you did. That's the reason T and I have spent so much time on building up an accurate and detailed picture of my Mom and her birth and upbringing and her parents and her sibs and their children, etc. To find out who she really was. And for us it wasn't all that terribly hard because she was so rigid. She was the same person when she died at 86 as she was when she had me at age 25. The same. The same dissociation, the same chilliness, the same distance, etc., etc.
With that picture of Mom (and the observations of my sibs who all had similar pathology) it was relatively easy to figure out what had happened. She just couldn't handle any intimacy with anyone at all, including babies. So she zoned out when supposedly "caring" for her children. Cooked good food. Kept us in clean clothes. Made sure we took a bath every day. Went to sleep on time. But a million miles away and not paying attention. Take care.
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