What do you mean if you don't cope now you never will? You haven't been well lately from reading many of your posts. You need help and we all need help from time to time with our BP.

If you are that depressed you probably should not be going to work, just my opinion. Why keep marching on as if everything is just fine, when it is not? I know how hard it is to call off work, I've been on FMLA for 6 weeks do to a manic episode...it was so hard for me that I had my husband call my boss. However, in the grand scheme of things it was absolutely the right decision. I am much better and was able to deal with my illness without the stressors of working.