I have to attend my session this week or come up with a pretty good excuse as to why I cannot b/c I am contracted for safety atm.

This is therapist number 14 in the past decade-ish. I have been under an incredible amount of despair and stress lately. Last week I snapped and it all came up...word vomit. All of the things I swore I would tell other therapists, had 13 opportunities to do so (well, if you count the actual sessions, more than hundreds!) and never did. I was relieved for hours, and then I became hysterical. Whom can she tell? What if she thinks less of me? Do I disgust her the way I disgust myself now?

The only thing I want to do now is run. Once I've been pushed so far over the edge, I allow myself to fall into the abyss instead of flying. I shut down. Blech.