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To BabyIrish, I'm sorry to hear that your mother is that much of a day in day out source of negativity. It sounds like she won't be changing any time soon. Again --bizarre similarities between your mother and mine. Looking back, my mother's behavior wasn't as overt or vicious but it was nonetheless CONTROLLING. Men frequently control physically---physical abuse or intimidation. Women frequently control verbally/emotionally. I would clearly say your mother is controlling. The control over your father is obvious. She's controlling your mood and happiness.
You mentioned your time in Australia (away from her) as the happiest in your life. That says it all. I would work toward that goal any rational and safe way you can. Is there any way you could rent with multiple others? I know it's easier said than done--living with relative strangers--but it appears that would be better. I would be curious to know how she reacted when you went to Australia? Did she try to stop you?
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And thou, too, whosoe' er thou art, That readest this brief psalm, As one by one thy hopes depart, Be resolute and calm. So fear not in a world like this, And thou shalt know erelong, Know how sublime a thing it is, To suffer and be strong.----Henry Longfellow.(The light of stars)
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