I think you said it perfectly yourself. These are her issues, not yours. I think when you start to get upset, you should repeat a little mantra to yourself "She loves me. This is not a personal attack on our relationship. These our her issues she has to work through." Repeat that a few times, focusing on deep breathing and feeling centered and grounded. Once you feel a little better, I would try do something else to take your mind off your relationship. Lastyearisblank made a great point -- keep going on with your life. Having a strong separate identity makes for a strong partner in your relationship, and having strong partners with a good sense of self and independence leads to healthy relationships where you can give support and love without "need." If you are able to be strong, loving, and supporting, you'll help her reach a place where she can become the same.

Good luck. I hope I made sense!