Bear with me as I am a long-winded, detailed person.

My boyfriend of almost a year is depressed. He says he's just highly stressed and doesn't call it depressed as it's not as bad as when he was depressed. He recently took himself off Effexor and has been seeing a counselor for several years which has helped him but I still don't think he has the coping mechanisms to deal with his perfectionism or high-stress work.

When he started pursuing me, he was very upfront about his past cycle with relationships. He had trouble with vulnerability but through working with his counselor felt like he was finally able and ready to be vulnerable in a relationship. He had a history of getting 6 mos. into the relationship and then ended it abruptly out of fear of opening up or the not opening up leading to his needs not being met because he kept things to himself. This scared me but because of the tremendous progress he had made and was most likely continue to make, I was willing to take the risk.

Flash forward to year later and we are 3 weeks into finally living in the same city (we had been doing the 2000+ long-distance relationship thing) and he is the worst I've ever seen him. Ever so often I get these bombs dropped on me where he's doubting everything in his life, including his ability to be in a relationship. He tells me if it were to work for him in a relationship, that it would be with me. He feels like we understand each other well because I've gone though a lot of what he's going through. I too am a perfectionist. I too have had troubles with trust and vulnerability in relationships. I think he overlooks these outbursts as times of his vulnerability. We both come from families where the mother wasn't emotionally available and the father was overly demanding and one to be feared. We both fear being in a relationship like our parents are and believe our parents don't communicate well with their partner and aren't a good match for each other.

He goes into this mode sometimes where he thinks he wants to be a park ranger and run off and live in the woods for 5 months at a time, that he should be a loner. I told him to call his own bluff and to do it.

I hear a lot of fear and doubt from him. He doesn't like feeling like his disappointing others, that he's affecting the emotions of others. He seems to wish he could live his life where his choices, feelings, etc. only affect him and no one else.

I have been super patient, supportive, a great listener and have given him a lot of space. He is leaving tomorrow for ~ 1 month to renew himself. I am fully supportive and fully believe that he needs this. My fear is he returns still thinking he's not able to be what he thinks he needs to be to be in a healthy relationship. How do I go a month living in this doubt? I often feel foolish for getting involved with a guy with so much baggage.

Please be kind and thanks for reading.