(((((((Happycheeks))))))). So sorry you're feeling so down & discouraged.
Are you safe right now? Or is this the way you feel about your situation & maybe rejection?
Don't give up on the job search & most importantly don't give up on yourself!!!
Do you have support, family, friends other than your bf?
Have you seen T or pdoc lately or maybe need a med tweak?
Really hate to see you suffer so, to think you feel useless, which is not the case!
Getting these things off your chest can really help, talking to us here in cyberspace.
I'm no great voice of wisdom, just someone that cares!
Keep posting & let us know you are safe!