You are marvelous
I am useless
You are fabulous
I am pointless
You are full of potential
I am essentially evil
You are amazing
I am wasting everything
You are number ONE
I should just be gone
You are fantastic
I am pathetic
You're creative too
I'm destructive and shouldn't continue
You have grown up and overcome
I am immature and dumb
You are also beautiful
I am horrible
There still are great possibilities for you to do so much
I am hopeless, worthless, and awful mush

Dear Abuser
You taught me well. Alongside your rages and control and misery, you reminded me of yet another important fact. After i am bad, and that i shouldn't bother anyone else with my s***, there is my sister who is number 1. I am forever a screwup and should be gone. My sister IS all of the above as ^YOU^. So seriously, why do i bother continue? I keep grudges and mistakes close and tight inside. It hurts, pushes people away, and leaves me VERY apprehensive and scared of what to do with all of this anger and sadness. Again thank you and f*** you. Thank you for teaching me well on how to continue the cycle, considering all i know about YOUR family history. F*** you for reinforcing in many ways too, directly and indirectly, to me versus everyone else, that i am the worst of all.

Yours Truly,

(my name)

*****************************************

Yep i'm back with more junk. Unloading a lot of this is just leaving me in an empty funk. What is the point after all of this...Seriously, i'd like to know. Its almost 7 am right now and had to unload more of this after another horrible sleep following another mess of a day. I should be getting ready to go to school and work. Why shouldn't i just give up and quit since I'm too far behind, am never enough, will never measure up, can't meet any of the necessary expectations and standards, and am just an overall waste.