Sounds like we've got a lot in common, unhappyguy! But also a few differences sprinkled here and there. Let's go!
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Originally Posted by unhappyguy
After reading your breakthrough thread and now this one, I see that we both have mother issues - specifically issues from a mother who was unfit and did not love her children. I also have only brothers, one of whom is an alcoholic. I don't know where you stand in birth order - I was firstborn. I would say that my mother is responsible for the early death of my father at the age of 45. Yes, she was that cold.
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I, too, was number one, with three younger brothers, all of whom had really big problems.
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Abuse and neglect by my mother has haunted me my entire life and has been very emotionally painful to deal with. Because of the abuse, I have never dated and have had trouble making and keeping friends.
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It's been painful enough for me so that I could never even think about it or realize it or in any way conceptualize it. I never had (even with all my former T's) the slightest idea it was connected with my mother. So the prospect of dealing with all those repressed feelings is rather ominous to me.
I did get married, but by chance I found a person who (entirely unconsciously) I was completely convinced could never hurt me. And over 42 years she hasn't. Oh, she's tried! The usual fights and tiffs and even her physically hitting me. But because she is who she is, somehow none of that hurts and I actually knew that in advance. How I knew it, I haven't any idea. No friends here either.
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Dealing with this issue is not something to rush into. I've tried treating it with many different psychological modalities; some of which have not been effective at all (avoid CBT & EMDR). Psychoanalysis / psycho-dynamics seem to work best for me though I have never made much progress with my life. Frankly, even with the insights from therapy, my life seems hopeless. I never received parenting essentials that are necessary to succeed.
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Yeah, me too. CBT is out. My T does psychodynamic psychotherapy and that's where I feel comfortable.
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There is hope if you were the youngest of your siblings. My youngest brother turned out alright from the help of his older brothers and good friends and their parents. I hope that your journey is more successful than mine and wish you all the best.
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Well, as I mentioned, I'm the oldest, the one with the heaviest dose. But my poor baby brother has been an alcoholic all his life, completely rejecting any kind of AA or rehab. So sometimes moms can be bad enough to ruin all of their children. Thanks and Take care!
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We must love one another or die.
W.H. Auden
We must love one another AND die.
Ygrec23