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Originally Posted by mcl6136
WOW.....your commitment knocks me out. I feel as though I've been on the precipice for a long time...see sawing along and then, for some reason or another, I'm done with the anesthesia too. The numbness just aint working any more. yes, I'm older than your average PC member, too, in all likelihood (I aint telling!) I'm burning daylight!
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I think "burning daylight" says it all! I want to finish this marathon before the lights go out!
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For me, though, some supportive therapy is necessary otherwise I feel so swamped by the anger, regrets, and did I mention the anger? I need a therapist who can support me and give some steadiness or I feel that I will completely fall apart while facing some of these dark spaces, and yes, they're particularly about my mother, who failed to protect me during my early years....when my rage-a-holic father was on his otherworldly rampages -- violence, violence and violence....memories that I can take apart but only slowly. No wonder I'm angry sometimes. And sad!
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Well, me, I think you're lucky. You feel angry and sad. All I've been able to do thus far is get rid of the regrets. I need to feel angry and sad. I'm sure I DO, way in there, feel angry and sad. But I have no connection with them at all. You see, I was the "perfect kid." The kid who never broke the rules my parents made. Who made them proud. I came up with a serious and solid false self that was total. The only crack in the facade was anxiety.
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I feel like I'm detonating a bomb, to be melodramatic. but in a sense, that's exactly what I'm doing....tick tick tick... And I need others in my bomb squad, and for me, that means support. But there are many ways to go about this...and go about it, I must!
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I feel absolutely the same way. And it IS melodramatic! Those feelings have to be so overwhelming and terrible, judging solely by their aftereffects, that they
are a bomb or bombs. I'm with you. You tell me your progress or problems, I'll tell you mine! Take care.
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We must love one another or die.
W.H. Auden
We must love one another AND die.
Ygrec23