Hi and welcome to PC!
The great thing about this place is that if you need to talk to someone, there are a lot of great ppl here that are going through much the same things you are. The one thing I recommend here is to talk..get it out of your system, and let those who have experienced similar things support you. You are NOT alone, by any means. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and if you need to talk, feel free to PM me. ((((wheretogo))))