O group,

I have plunged into the deep end of the T pool again, and some things arose in the session yesterday that are too scary for me to deal with.

I brought a photograph of my family with me included...T latched onto this photograph and has spent much of the last two sessions talking about the family dynamics that T thought were in evidence.

The "take" on things was correct, but it was just too much, too fast, to take in. I need a way to slow things down in session...I get really freaked out (but pretend I'm not) and then the night of the session is PURE HELL.

I could not stop crying and I'm talking most of the night. I'm at work now, and my eyes are swollen and I look like Quasimodo. I did not ask for all of this input so soon, and when T brought up, without me being prepared, the stuff about the photo, it was too much!! Stuff about how my frightening my father appeared (true) and how scared my brother looked (also true). It brought back enough memories that I was afraid that I would just completely fall apart mentally. I did not (I suppose that's wonderful in its own right). I wanted to call T this morning, but felt afraid to do so....another dose? I simply could not absorb it all....but I don't know how to say, BACK OFF! I just go numb, somehow get through the session and fall apart.

This is the reason that I feel that therapy may actually be too hard for me, and may be making me worse. How can I help keep the pace manageable?