Like JD said, no one chooses to have PTSD. It's just as real a disease as anything else, just because it's psychological doesn't mean it doesn't have physical impact on you.

It helps to remember to breathe and have patience with yourself. Maybe try to take notes with your T if you can't remember what was said. That helped my son work on his memory issues, too, since when he wrote something done, the moment of actually writing the words helped him retain it better.

Hope things are going a little better now, and know you're not alone in this.