Does anybody have this feeling sometimes. Maybe it is the sense of last year on my Uni (I spend too much time in my pretty Ivory Tower. As much as I got out and went into the world, I was always more or less an Ivory Tower dweller). I don't want it all to end... I mean, I can still learn... but it won't be the same again. As much as I despite academia for the way they argue semantics while the world burns... there are things about it I love.

I been through this before, although my first attempt at life did not work out. Maybe just as good, I might get stuck as Prague's tourguide... and that would probably not be the right direction for me. I don't want to tell the people about "Mythology, architecture/History of one of the little known nations/Wars, sufferings, oppressions/Revolutions, defenestrations"... I wanna do something about these....

So well, maybe attempt number two will work and I will get the job of my dreams (badly paid, emotionally draining, underapreciated, with long work hours, preferably one that takes me to sketchy places... PRETTY PLEASE. Maybe it will work out this time. It has to.

but still I worry. I watch the news and I worry the world will burn before I manage to get out of my Ivory Tower and I will be guilty too because I should have done more.
I fear that one day I will wake up and everything will be changed beyond recognition and gone. and that I will not adjust, that I will just spend the rest of life wondering for good old days.
I am scared that something terrible will happened and I will not be able to react appropriatelly.

I am afraid that the mayan prophecy is true and that I will have not much to report about what I done here.

I sense it at times... I always had this feeling since I was a child that something is gonna happen, that we are going to see history made. Well, we did. Last december I had a dream in which i walked to "department of middle eastern studies" through crumbling corridor... and fireworks outside. These premotions work.
And I can feel the world collapsing... and it does scare me, indeed, as much as I try to be at peace with whatever happens.