I'm so upset I'm having a hard time being coherent, but basically my T talked again about me being done with therapy and I just spun out. I'll come back and flesh out the details later when I can.
Meanwhile, here are our texts since I left her office:
Quote:
Me: I had to make her pull over so I could puke. I can't feel my legs. I think you're just waiting for your first chance to throw me away. I don't understand why you had to hit that trigger now when I'm already just struggling to keep my head above water. Why?
T: By avoiding the topic is another therapy interfering behavior on my part. I am realizing ways I treat u as fragile (another treatmt interfering behavior) which I have to stop. If ur gonna get better, I have to do DBT by the book- which I haven't been bc I've been treating u like u can't handle DBT by the book. I don't think uve been progressing like u could be if I Treated u as no fragile
Me: That ****ing sucks. It makes it hard if not impossible to trust you, because it feels like a trap.
Me: I'm spinning out. Big time. I'm sending this to everyone I talk to. Somebody help me stop spinning.
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__________________
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.
"It's easier to feel the sunlight without them," she said.
~Brian Andreas