I feel so alone most of the time. I so badly want to have a T who is on my side. I guess it is human nature to be a little fickle but I think people who have been through stuff take that more personally. It becomes a real thing in your brain when people blame you. Like what is wrong with me.

Do you feel T is on your side? How do you know?

(Btw I have some very supportive relationships right now and I can tell those people are good because we have been through stuff and we know each other. But it is different with a T because they could be anyone... you don't even really get to know them!)

To give some background info... (yes, I reveal too much, making me a total "target") this year I have experienced some extremely conflictual human behaviors, like violence, assault, verbal abuse in a relationship, and having my name tarnished and basically being bullied into resigning from a job (different people... it would be horrible if it were all the same person that did that). I feel like therapy should be a safe haven from that, but basically all I've experienced is being blamed and having the onus put on me.

The last straw happened today and I just snapped. My family has always been ok with bad things happening to me and I am so angry to encounter the same hypocricy in therapy. I never, ever, ever want to go back to some practitioner who is ok with putting the onus on me.

Am I done with therapy? And, if anyone wants to blame me or say I'm just doing it wrong, go ahead, that's all on you. One of the benefits of cyberspace.