I recently asked my Pdoc for an antidepressant and was also told no. I have a long history with ad's causing mania, psychosis, and rapid cycling all while being on mood stabilizers. I am guessing this is why he said no. I took the no but was extremely frustrated as I felt I was falling into a black hole. I ended up ramping up the vitamins, exercise, yoga, meditation, and forcing a normal routine , it was really hard to pull off but in the end I came out of it.

If I were you I would ask again, and I would ask why, no harm in asking. It sounds like you have been down for so long and doing everything you can to pull through. I was tempted to take left over ad's I had at home, I told my pdoc this and still got a no. I didn't do it in the end but I know the temptation. You don't want to be doing that, as you could really end up worse off. I'm just wishing you the courage to ask again for what you feel you need, and I hope you can find a way out of this soon.